Doing the ELF with a husband: conversations with Ugandan co-workers about pizza dough, ultimate frisbee and who cleans the toilet
While
walking to class at Mbarara University of Science and Technology (MUST) this
morning, one of my colleagues drove by and said to me, "Good morning, Mrs.
Sean, how are you?" Greeting me by my husband's name happens all the time
here and has motivated many conversations at work and in the classroom about
marriage and gender roles. In addition, this semester I was assigned to teach
an undergraduate class called "Gender, Sexuality and Reproductive
Health" - a subject which is completely outside my area of expertise, but
which has proven to be a fascinating and timely topic in rural Uganda. When I
first arrived and when they discovered I was married, most of my Ugandan
co-workers and students assumed that I was here as a wife of an American male
missionary or professor. When our new community found out that Sean and I came
to Mbarara for me to be the English Language Fellow at MUST, they asked us lots
of questions which have led to many more interesting discussions that still
continue today.
For me
and Sean, our marriage has always been about being an equal and supportive
partnership. Although he is also an English teacher, when I found out about my
acceptance to the ELF Sean was the first to say that we had to do it. The
system that works for us is the person who has the less demanding job handles
more of the housework. As the spouse of an ELF, Sean is in charge of everything
domestic, but he also volunteers and works with me on multiple projects. He
co-teaches most of my classes with me and co-facilitates almost all of the
workshops. The gender balance in education and leadership has been interesting
because male and female students react to us differently and ask us different
types of questions. In the gender class, it's particularly interesting and
during one of our most recent co-taught sessions, one male student admitted his
initial doubts. "When I first met Sean and learned that he did the job of
a wife, I thought he had been bewitched by you. Even if we Ugandan men wanted
to help our wives we would never admit it because we would get made fun
of." I have been told that I have "bewitched" Sean more times
that I can count by professors and students alike.
Although
Sean is excited about the opportunity, being the spouse of an ELF can also be
challenging. Though he keeps busy with volunteering and sports, he is not able
to actively pursue his career goals or advance professionally to the extent
that I am able to and this is difficult. My schedule and activities are always
in the spotlight and he supports where we need to be and what we need to do.
What has helped him stay happy and productive as the partner of an ELF is to
cultivate his own circle of friends and activities and take some online
certificate courses. Joining the Ugandan national ultimate Frisbee team has
been a huge factor in Sean's enjoyment of the ELF experience and he's been able
to practice with them every weekend and play in tournaments in Rwanda and
Kenya. He also spends time each week working on online courses in outdoor
educational leadership, which helps him stay current in his field.
Something
I always try to mention during my conversations in the office is that both of
our roles are equally important and our partnership makes us more effective
educators and better friends. Although doing the ELF with a partner invites
some interesting and sensitive conversations, it also makes the experience a
lot of fun! As we gear up for a second year of the ELF in Uganda, Sean has been
offered a job working with the "mobile American corner" - the U.S.
embassy bus that travels around to different schools. Because of this, I know
that next year we'll have to reevaluate who does what and I'm okay with that.
Don't get me wrong, though, I'm much more excited about learning how to make
pizza dough than I am about cleaning the toilet.
You write so beautifully Sarah, it almost seems like I am looking over your shoulder when I read your experiences. So glad you are back on line and letting us Michiganders follow your exploits.
George Trowbridge