If you know anything about Portuguese, then you know that not only is its grammar way more complex than Spanish but also that they have a word for everything. They have a word for the hole that your tooth leaves when it falls out, they have a word which means to lightly stroke your lover's hair, and they have a word that describes a feeling of incompleteness because of missing someone or something. This last word is saudade pronounced "sow-dah-gee."
Saudade is very hard to translate in English. Wikipedia describes it as "a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves." The "Dicionário Houaiss da língua portuguesa" defines saudade as "A somewhat melancholic feeling of incompleteness. It is related to thinking back on situations of privation due to the absence of someone or something, to move away from a place or thing, or to the absence of a set of particular and desirable experiences and pleasures once lived." The Dictionary from the Royal Galician Academy, on the other hand, defines saudade as an "intimate feeling and mood caused by the longing for something absent that is being missed. This can take different aspects, from concrete realities (a loved one, a friend, the motherland, the homeland...) to the mysterious and transcendant. It's quite prevalent and characteristic of the galician-portuguese world, but it can also be found in other cultures."
Saudade is deep stuff and it is at the heart of what it means to be Brazilian. Saudade represents the little bit of sadness and longing that everyone has for something or someone even when they are feeling happy. My students talk about their different saudades all the time and people constantly ask me if I have saudade for the USA or my family. The openness of emotion, especially of sadness and longing, is normal and acceptable here.
This is good news for a person like me. The other day a student randomly stopped me in the hallway and said that he had something for me. He surprised me with a Bible in Portuguese. I was so taken off guard and it had been such a hard day that I promptly burst into tears. I think he was initially surprised, but then he gave me a hug and said, "It's O.K. I know you like the gift but also that you have saudade for your culture back home."
Last night, during a particularly tough night class during which I was tired, it was extremely hot, I couldn't hear anything because of the fans' noise and the students were bummed that I couldn't remember all of their names, I was teaching about the culture and vocabulary of family. After talking about the words grandpa and grandma, one student raised her hand and said she heard other names being used on American TV series. I answered that it was completely normal for families to have nicknames for their grandparents and I wrote the names of my parents' on the board: Nanny Deb and G-Pa. And then out of nowhere, I started crying. In the middle of class. At first my students were surprised but as I pulled myself together they were nodding and murmuring in knowing agreement: saudade. . . the teacher has a lot of saudade for her home and family. Yep. There's some definite saudade going on here and I feel like I'm starting to understand the Portuguese definition of the word now more than ever.
Sarah! Hang in there! I know it is tough to be away from home, but you are doing great things! Dan and I think of you often!! We miss you! Stay strong!!